66 Best Psych Quotes to Help You Deal with Life

Psych is a USA Network television series that follows the life of Shawn Spencer, a young man with an eidetic memory who uses his skills to help the Santa Barbara Police Department solve crimes. The show is famous for its witty and often pop culture-laden dialogue, and many of the show’s best quotes come from Shawn’s wise-cracking father, Henry. Here are some of our favorite Psych quotes from over the show’s eight seasons.

Here we covered best psych quotes, psych nurse quotes, quotes from psych, funny psych quotes, psych lines, psych the show quotes.

66 Best Psych Quotes

1. “How can you tell that someone’s a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming that their pants aren’t on fire.” —Shawn Spencer

2. “I can’t watch Channel 8 anymore. Lloyd Lansing wears a toupee. It’s like every newscast begins with a lie.” — Shawn Spencer

3. “Younger? Who do you think she’s meeting with, Justin Bieber?” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

4. “Shawn: I’m Shawn and this is my associate, M. C. Clap Your Handz.” — Shawn Spencer

5. “What isn’t clear is why people always say ‘goes without saying,’ yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn’t that bother you?” — Shawn Spencer

6. “Hello! I’m Shawn Spencer. This is my partner Radio Star. I’m afraid your video will kill him.” — Shawn Spencer

7. “Detective Lassiter, why are you wearing sunglasses at an autopsy? — Chief Vick

8. “I will eat you in manageable, bite-sized pieces.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

9. “Gus wants to know if your boat has cable. It’s the season finale of Leverage and his TiVo’s on the fritz.” — Shawn Spencer

10. “I look up to Brett Favre, but that doesn’t mean I believe everything he says. Alright, that’s a bad example. It’s those tearful press conferences, man. They get me every time.” — Shawn Spencer

11. “Oh, you mean my pilot’s license? That’s out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you’re referring to my license to kill. Revoked. Trouble at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you the details but then I’d have to kill you, which I can’t do because my license to kill has been revoked.” — Shawn Spencer

12. “You’ve seen it all through the cracks in your fingers while you were hiding your eyes.” — Shawn Spencer

13. “The truth is, I want to change, I need to change.” — Shawn Spencer

14 “Get outta here. He’s got a Monkey Basketball League?” — Shawn Spencer

15. “Injury-free since June, when Gus broke his finger flipping the injury countdown calendar.” — Shawn Spencer

16. “I can’t help being a gorgeous fiend. It’s just the card I drew.” — Shawn Spencer

17. “It was just a small stream. It wasn’t like the end of Carrie or the beginning of Carrie.” — Shawn Spencer

18. “Just because you put syrup on something don’t make it pancakes.” — Shawn Spencer

19. “Well, the plot, unlike your hair, continues to thicken.” — Shawn Spencer

20. “That owl is made entirely out of cinnamon!” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

21. “Holy crap, are you checking your email?” — Shawn Spencer

22. “That’s interesting– just yesterday you told me you intend on having your wedding in space.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

23. “The chips say you’re a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater!” — Shawn Spencer

24. “Don’t ever say that name, Shawn. Besides, I know it was you who started that.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

25. “I’m nobody’s pawn, Shawn. I’m a Queen.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

26. “I don’t lose things. I place things in locations which later elude me.” — Shawn Spencer

27. “Take lots of pictures. Not of sights. Don’t take pictures of buildings. Take pictures of moments, because that’s what matters.” — Shawn Spencer

28. “Man, I’m nobody’s charity case. I demand I dig my own grave!” —Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

29. “Guster, you have to wake up to the real world: people have sex and kill each other. That’s the real world. Not some magical ‘feelings’ place.” — Carlton Lassiter

30. “He has a Masters in Psychology and Criminology from Harvard AND an MBA!” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

31. I don’t know if it’s this uniform, but I’ve never craved doughnuts before in my life.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

32. “How about you play six degrees of kiss my ass?”— Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

33. “Remember, Dad, you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a goddess, then a person again.” — Shawn Spencer

34. “Good morning detectives, collecting money for the Policeman’s Ball?” —Shawn Spencer

35. “She’s obviously meeting a new boy toy. Maybe one even younger than the last.” — Lassiter

36. “I’m just getting started, you giant cockroach. You know what? That was out of line. I apologize to cockroaches everywhere, especially Jiminy Cricket, although for the first time in thirty years, it occurs to me… he might be a cricket.” — Shawn Spencer

37. “It’s a gift that I bust out on rare occasions and almost all the time.” — Shawn Spencer

38. “They tell me I got something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But, uh, the truth is this lustrous hair and dimpled chin are merely chapter one. I’m a veritable cornucopia of high-octane maladies, such as outrageous intelligence syndrome. And a little obsessive successful disorder.” — Shawn Spencer

39. “We take our hand-held entertainment very seriously.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

40. “Falling in love with you was never part of the plan, okay? This whole thing started because my ass was on the line. Self-preservation, Jules – you got to understand that. I didn’t have a choice. And then we sort of found a groove, and by the time you showed up, it was so much fun. I put away, like, over a hundred criminals. Most of them were murderers. I’m good at what I do. And what I do, it’s good, isn’t it?” — Shawn Spencer

41. “I can’t help it, Shawn, my body craves buttery goodness.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

42. “Which means it is both wise and delicious.” — Shawn Spencer

43. “I’m not big on nude handshakes.” — Carlton Lassiter

44. “Hang on Doogie. Where’d you get that juice box and does it come in grapalicious?” —Shawn Spencer

45. “I get productive when I’m nervous.” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

46. “Sorry, I was too busy James bonding it up in here.” — Shawn Spencer

47. “Chief, if I may. Lassie spoke to us all about a week ago about wearing sunglasses to all autopsies moving forward to show respect for the dead. I simply forgot. And Gus refused because he has no value for human life.” — Shawn Spencer

48. “Everyone stop whatever you’re doing and only pay attention to me.” — Shawn Spencer

49. “Man, I’m nobody’s charity case. I demand to dig my own grave!” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

50. “The spirits tell me your little pants are on fire.” — Shawn Spencer

51. “I can’t help being a gorgeous friend. It’s just the card I drew.” — Shawn Spencer

52. “Only what we learned from The Fast and The Furious. So… everything.” — Shawn Spencer

53. “Partners do not lie to each other, because partners put their lives in each other’s hands.” — Carlton Lassiter

54. “Come on, let’s hug it out. — Shawn Spencer

55. “Well, much like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.” — Shawn Spencer

56. “What do you two know about street racing anyway?” — Lassiter

57. “I’m just saying, technology is way overrated.” — Shawn Spencer

58. “I still smell like stinky nuts!” — Burton ‘Gus’ Guster

59. “We’re so far off the grid I think we may be back on the grid.” — Shawn Spencer

60. “How much blood was it exactly, Shawn? — Henry

61. “You’re acting like a child, Shawn. — Juliet

62. “Okay, you guys are actually devolving.” — Juliet O’Hara

63. “I’m having a clear vision on a cloudy day.” — Shawn Spencer

64. I would rather learn to play the harp.” — Carlton Lassiter

65. “I AM NOT ACTING!” — Shawn Spencer

66. “I’m the cream in a crying sandwich.” — Shawn Spencer






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